My clothes come from a variety of places. From Ann Taylor to Walmart (yep, Walmart) and all the letters in between A and W. Some come from places that went out of business 10 years ago. So why keep them, you may ask. Well, like many of you, I may be more of a collector. Or maybe I'm headed down the path of psychological deterioration and you'll see me on an episode of Hoarders one day. I know many of you can relate. Either way, I felt the need to take a first step in addressing this problem of mine. We're running out of room.
It came to me back when I was an attorney at the Boston Police Department. Yes, I am a lawyer. Feel free to collectively groan, insert lawyer joke, etc. One day a colleague and dear friend, Sheila, mentioned that she couldn't believe how many outfits I had and that she thought she had never seen me in the same thing twice. This wasn't necessarily a compliment so much as an observation. I am no fashion maven. So this is where we can begin to blame Sheila. The truth is, I wore lots of things over and over but simply mixed it up so it looked new. I have clothes, literally, collecting dust in my closets. Many closets. Every closet in the house actually. At the time I mentioned that I thought it would be funny to force myself to wear every outfit at least once before wearing something again. But alas, I never did and simply stuck to rotating the same things over and over.
So here I am now, committed to doing what I joked about doing long ago. An idea that was inspired by Sheila. An experiment of sorts. I am actually going to wear every outfit I own each day until I have rotated through all of my closets and giant plastic storage bins without repeating any outfit until everything has been worn once. I predict that this experiment could take a year and will lead to some really bad fashion days but who am I trying to impress. I have only a few rules:
1. Formal wear (full length gowns, my wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, etc.) does not get placed in the rotation. I realize that there may be days that I look ridiculous but wearing a full length evening gown on a Tuesday afternoon to Costco would just make me look fucking crazy and I still have to live around here. Maybe at the end of this I will put together some type of collective challenge to raise money for charity and we can all wear bridesmaid dresses to court or to a Red Sox game.
2. A few classic jackets or sweaters, as well as accessories, may be repeated. The reason for this is that I have many dresses, skirts, and pants that I wouldn't wear without a jacket to places like court so I may not have any choice but to use the same article more than once - on occasion - over a unique outfit. However, I will rotate through my accessories too, including the dusty chunky 80s/90s earrings I have held onto. Thank God I didn't save any lace, fingerless gloves and ankle socks.
3. It has to fit. It doesn't have to fit well but nobody wants to see pieces of Jane spilling over, under and out of my clothing. Especially the boobs. Gasp!! Since I have multiple sizes in my closet, I will start with my fat clothes and hopefully work my way down. We'll see.
4. Which brings us to number four. No purchasing of new clothes until I have worked my way through everything I own. None! No matter how fat I get.
5. I can throw something away or donate it to charity if it is really too hideous to be seen in. Because let's face it, there is nothing that homeless people and orphans need donated more than hideous clothes the rest of us wouldn't be caught dead in.
6. I can wear the same uniform of a ratty sweater/sweatshirt/t-shirt and a jegging type jean that is my go to so long as I am home, provided that I have worn one new outfit that day and posted it.
7. I can wear whatever I want when I go the gym. Bahahahahaha. I can barely even write this because I am laughing so hard. This is like saying I can wear whatever I want when I am riding my unicorn or going on a dinner date with Robert Downey, Jr. (Sorry, husband. It's just an example). So really there are only 6 rules.
This is probably a good time to apologize to my friends, family and especially, my husband. This will be a trying time full of regret and humiliation for most of them. I feel it's going to be a long, long year (maybe longer) and that I will be the target of many horrible reactions, sideways glances, vicious comments, lots of unfriending but I am doing this for you too. Really, I am. I want to help you with your own wardrobe psychosis and I am willing to make the ultimate fashion sacrifice - becoming a Fashion Don't. Over and over and over... So let the all humiliation year begin. And we can all blame Sheila.
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